Enjoy Being Human

Marcus Slease

Rabbit Hat

Don Whiskers meets Stevie in the city for salvia and magic, they walk over Waterloo bridge and walk around the Strand, munch on the best falafel in the city, nip down old historic alleys and side streets, the salvia keeps falling out of the roll up, they get the nips, one nip, two nips, three nips, another roll up, viola, they are in soho, it’s historic, I never come to Soho or even the centre, says Don Whiskers, massage says a saleslady, no thanks says Don Whiskers, perhaps another day says Stevie, they keep walking around the centre, let’s hop in here says Stevie, they hop in the French House with half pints and Ricard, Ricard is liquorice heaven says Don Whiskers, let’s hop in here says Stevie, they hop into a pub with sailer’s ale, sailer’s ale is heaven says Don Whiskers, let’s hop in here says Stevie, they hop into wood warmed 600 year beer, wood warmed is heaven says Don Whiskers, look says Stevie, it’s a mad hatter, I am always trying to find the perfect hat says Don Whiskers, the mad hatter is named Laird, they crawl inside the mad hatter & flip through the pancakes, all the pancakes are tweed, it’s historic says Don Whiskers, it’s classic says Stevie, made in England says the mad hatter, but you are not tweed says the mad hatter, your face does not say tweed, what does my face say asks Don Whiskers, let’s find out says the mad hatter, here try another pancake says the mad hatter, here try another pancake says the mad hatter, here try another pancake says the mad hatter, here try another pancake says the mad hatter, here try another pancake says the mad hatter, no more pancakes says Don Whiskers, we are not pancakes says Don Whiskers, here says the mad hatter, is it a fedora asks Don Whiskers, it is not a fedora says the mad hatter, is it Frank Sinatra asks Don Whiskers, it is not Frank Sinatra says the mad hatter, Don Whiskers tries on the grey hat, what kind of hat is this asks Don Whiskers, it is not a fedora says the mad hatter, it is not a trilby, the structures of the two hats are similar but the trilby has a sharper crown and most importantly a much narrower brim, yes says Don Whiskers, indeed says Stevie, this distinction may seem minor but we are discussing aesthetics here and a minor distinction makes all the difference in the world, trilbies use less material and are more forgiving of poor fabric, they are cheap to make and thus have become widely available, yes says Don Whiskers, a gentleman in a cheap trilby is saying I wanted a hat so I just grabbed the first one I saw and considered that sufficient, indeed says Stevie, right you are says Don Whiskers, a man’s hatbrim should be in proportion to his shoulders says the mad hatter, Sinatra was a skinny little guy with a narrow verticalline aesthetic, am I a narrow little man asks Don Whiskers, you are neither a narrow little man nor not a narrow little man says the mad hatter, a trilby on a big man looks like the reservoir tip on a condom, you are not a big man says the mad hatter, you do not have to worry about the reservoir tip of a condom, Don Whiskers pops on the grey hat, Don Whiskers pops off the grey hat, what kind of hat is this asks Don Whiskers, it is your hat says the mad hatter, it is your second skin, what kind of skin asks Don Whiskers, it’s a rabbit says the mad hatter, rabbits are good says Stevie, you look good with rabbit, are rabbits good in the rain asks Don Whiskers, excellent in the rain says the mad hatter, a rabbit is classic, it is habberdash, not balderdash, dashing says Stevie, historic says Don Whiskers, classic says Stevie, made in England says the mad hatter, it is good for your face says the mad hatter, your face is longer, everyone wants a longer face says Stevie.

 

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